Giving ourselves the moment is when we relinquish our contrived control over to our innate trust in whatever true goodness we believe in.
According to the Google definition (Yes, I know starting a blog post with a google definition is a bit passe, but it will be worth it, I promise!), a transition is the process or period of changing from one state or condition to another.
OK.
…AND?
If you’re like me, that’s not entirely helpful. It’s the beginning of September, and I acknowledge that I am in transition from summer to fall. I also acknowledge that I am more stressed-out than ever, especially with everything that’s happening in the world and our country, and I want to know how to help myself.
That’s why I’ve created my own definitions of transition, and I like them very much! No, they don’t actually define the act clearly, and they certainly aren’t objective, but I believe they cut to the crux faster for our purposes. So…
According to Kerri, the definition of transition is: The In-Between
- Our own personal spidey-sense.
- The feelings and experiences between what we know and what we don’t yet understand.
- The opportunity to shed old beliefs, patterns, and biases.
- The opportunity to heal old hurts and make room for new joys.
- The connected breathes between the moment we recognize our existence and the moment that recognition stops
I, as you may have suspected, don’t have a great history with transitions. I am what some would call a controller, and I am very good at it! I prefer the term director, but either way, I am the first to admit that sometimes big feelings of the unknown future can give us false permission to behave in ways that don’t best serve our ability to live fully. And those behaviors can make moving through transitions much, much harder, if not make us kind of a lonely jerk.
I have been that jerk. I have, regretfully, and often still do, lived in moments of high reactive stress, and I have felt torn down to the point I no longer believe in my ability to create and connect, especially with joy. I have weathered, ridden, ignored, and fought transitions until I finally admitted that I wasn’t helping myself, and I needed to find a new way of getting through them.
I realized all of this when was my son (we’ll call him Buddha) was diagnosed with epilepsy, and I felt true powerless over how little control I have in what “happens to me.”
For years, I was in full throttle, bad-ass mama, director mode. I truly believed if I advocated, fought, loved, learned, and researched hard enough, I could FIX him. And then, I could finally start creating and connecting. All I could think about was the time the before and the unknown ahead.
“Of course, that only made the experience and my parenting exponentially worse!”
Of course, that only made the experience and my parenting exponentially worse! I finally surrendered and decided I wanted to make more compassionate, positive choices to help myself through transitions, mostly long, painful ones, four years after Buddha’s diagnosis on a trip to Panama. For the first time in what felt like forever and I felt…happy. We were floating in the warm ocean, and laughing, I remembered what it felt like to be free and happy. To be alive in a moment. I realized I could still feel those things, even with the looming unknown, and I wanted more!
So we came home, and I went searching for a new way to go through transitions. And as if she was waiting for me, I met a guide who slowly, patiently, helped me begin to open my heart to the possibility of life’s unexpected joys again.
I came to realize that I had tried everything but the one thing that would really help—acknowledging the moment. With support, time, and guidance, I came to understand that transitions aren’t meant to go through, but rather be in. I came to believe I could survive being in the moment, and I accepted that my awareness of that being was entirely up to me.
Eventually, I began to give myself the moment, and the transiting between diagnosis and whatever life will look like next began to get more comfortable. I began to feel lighter and slowly noticed that I was smiling more, or eating better, or enjoying something beautiful with a bit more shine. I grew to feel safer in the moment because I was learning how to be with it in slow, easy steps. I became more excited about little things coming up, like the forecast of a sunny day or planning a hike, and that let me begin to dream big again. I began to appreciate that I wasn’t alone in this transition, and I started being able to accept help with more love and gratitude.
“The In-Between holds all the moments that make up our lives. And I want to swim with those feelings, even if it’s just a light float, as I move from one event to the next.”
Kerri Monnerat
A transition is so much more than the line between one event and another. The In-Between holds all the moments that make up our lives. That’s why I like my descriptions better because we are not just definitions on a page. We are people who have feelings! And I want to swim with those feelings, even if it’s just a light float, as I move from one event to the next.
When I feel like I’m living in The In-Between, I know I can’t stop the transition, but I can choose to be aware of how I notice it, trust it, and move in it. One way or another, it’s happening.
So, I’ve learned, it’s always best to start where we are!
I don’t believe that when we honor the moment, we have to do anything with it. I think we just see it there. We notice it, and we feel it. We do nothing, literally, but watch it. And I have discovered that when I acknowledge the moment, the moment changes without me having to do anything at all, and I go from being afraid and stuck to creative and free.
If only just for a moment. And that can add up to a much happier life in transition.
